i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize