i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
