There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
