Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
