just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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