As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
