I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
