I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
