you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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