At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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