So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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