Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
