I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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