So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
