nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
