i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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