PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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