We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
