My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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