i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
