are you so shy because you have an std?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
