Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize