I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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