We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
