how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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