Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
