You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Operation Purity has been aborted
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
