Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
