his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
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Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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