how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
