oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize