This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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