Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
