You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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