Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
