Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We had sex on a dog bed..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
