You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was confusing and full of hummus
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
