so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
