so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
