sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
