I want to stick my p in your. b.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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