: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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