I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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