Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
