Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
