if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
