i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
