Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
