i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
