Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize