You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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