Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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