You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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