Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I stole a fireplace last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
