people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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