My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
