man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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