Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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