he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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