best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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