Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize