Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
