Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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