My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This baby is an asshole
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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