Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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