I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
