Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
