toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
