The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
